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Parenting Journals Editor´s Choice

Raising a Strong Willed Child
Survival Tips for Parents

By  Lori Ramsey of Stages-inPregnancy.com

It can be a challenge in raising a strong willed child. The key to survival is structure, patience and tender loving care. Strong willed children often are go-getters and great accomplishers. Knowing how to channel their energy is imperative to a healthy childhood.


First let’s talk about structure. A strong willed child normally has a lot of energy. This energy can lead to mischievous behavior which in turn can mean that the child needs to be disciplined. Try to channel their energy constructively to avoid situations that call for punishment.

Strong willed children tend to be intelligent and can be reasoned with. The key here is to reason with them before an episode blows up. Say for example that your strong willed child likes to take off outside to the neighbors – when you don’t allow them to leave the yard. Yet they do it time and again, thus showing how strong willed they are.

You should sit them down before allowing them to go outside and explain why you set the boundaries of the yard. Go over all the things that could happen to them if they disobey and set a punishment if they do disobey you. Give them some lee-way and allow them time to earn your trust.

If they disobey you be swift with the punishment outlined. If you told them if they left the yard that you would ground them to their room with no TV for the rest of the day – follow through with it.

This is the kind of structure that helps to teach them to bend to YOUR will. Be consistent and always do what you say you will do. The above examples and punishments are just that – examples. You should come up with a system that suits you and your child in dealing with the structure and discipline that works best for your family.


When raising a strong willed child patience is probably the single best piece of advice I can give you. Strong willed children tend to have a one-track mind. Once they set their mind to something it becomes more difficult to get their attention.

Pay attention to what it is they are being strong willed about. Perhaps you can figure out why and come up with a good solution in dealing with them. Here’s another example:

My daughter is strong willed and when she doesn’t get her way (about most anything) she will start to cry and mouth at us about it. She has a one-track mind and will continue to cry and mouth until either she wears out or we give in.

When I stood back and assessed the situation I realized that she was trying to be heard – as she’s the middle child. She needs a little extra attention than my other children. So when things are calm, I pay her more attention. You’d be amazed at what an extra 15 minutes of one on one will do for a child’s disposition.

When she has a “fit” now I gently send her to her room. Most of the time it’s done by force, and I sit down on her bed and get on her level. I look her in the eye and calmly talk about why she can or cannot do whatever it is she’s having a fit over. I tell her – calmly – that when she calms down we can do something together – or she can perhaps do something else.

This may take a while, but if you take the time to simply be patient, try to get to the reason behind the strong-willedness, you can usually understand them better. Always get down at their eye level when you talk to them. Be firm, be calm and exercise patience.


Sometimes a strong willed child is just calling for attention. They see that if they are determined and aggressive it will get our attention and good or bad we will respond. To the strong willed child they see us as the boundary setter and will push the limits to see how far they can go outside.

Show them love at all times. Keep your word. Spend time with them one on one – even if it’s just for minutes a day. Try to see the reasoning behind their strong-willed behavior and take action to channel the energy. Raising a strong willed child can be challenging, but if you set the boundaries, provide the structure, practice patience and show them tender loving care, you can raise a child to be proud of.

Contributed by Lori Ramsey of Stages in Pregnancy.
All rights reserved ©Lori Ramsey, no reproduction allowed.

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